Snarky, Snark, Snark

Did Daniel Day-Lewis go to the Oscars as Captain Jack Sparrow? And.....

What the hell was this?

Please. Don't hate me because I'm an angry American. Please don't hate me because I don't get haute couture. If I thought a billion people were going to be watching me win an award, I might have given it some thought. You know, like Helen Mirren or Grace Kelly.

Just call me old-fashioned. A classic. A commercial for Ann Taylor and Talbots and my wedding pearls.

Who Says You Need a Skirt and Pumps?

In a fit of heat induced hysteria, I wore my Ann Taylor Loft khaki walking shorts and lovely purple top (school colors, of course) to school today. Granted, I am not a size 0, but there are several teachers in the building who are wearing "city shorts." I plead insanity. But it was the best teaching day of my entire career.

The HVAC guy has been back and the AC really is a little better: it didn't fall apart until about 45 minutes until we were supposed to go home and then it kicked back on. I didn't hang around to see how long it was going to work, though. Just packed the bag and hit the road. We'll see how it is on Monday. The day before reality hits at my house: back to school for the PrepGirls.

Two hours before High School Musical 2 comes on. I hope the Second Coming of Oprah garners this kind of excitement.

Quick Before I Lose the Connection...

As posted before, I have managed to break the power cord to my school laptop and have been relegated to the dinosaur upstairs. Well, the wireless signal comes and goes of its own freewill up here and I have to post quickly before I lose this signal. For some reason, it works for PrepGirl and BrownBear. I think it knows when I am trying to log on and it just likes to jerk me around.

I have been reading the e-mails posted by my principal from all those with: no lives, nothing better to do, no job (you pick) at the central office. Sorry, but it is true. I am not looking forward to this school year for a myriad of reasons, but the Curriculum Briefings from those clowns is one of them. Sweet Oprah, it was 11, yes, ELEVEN, pages long today. What in hell could possess them to put out a "briefing" that was eleven pages long? I couldn't tell you that either, because I stopped reading. At about page one.

Our school's enrollment is down this year, too, and I found out yesterday that my partner in crime would be the fifth grade scapegoat if people started getting transferred out because the numbers were too low. (I told you I didn't want to go back.)

Got PrepGirl's birthday cake ordered; she and my sister share a birthday on Sunday and sweet mother of Oprah, what a juggling act that has been for years. I never know who is going to be out of sorts - this year, however, PrepGirl is supposed to get her learner's permit. Well, guess what is closed on Mondays in this fine state? You guessed correctly. The Division of Motor Vehicles!!!!!!! She has to wait until Tuesday (7:30AM) to join the unwashed masses in the line for a permit. I hope she passes the test. I can only take her so many times and then I am done.

BrownBear got a call from her 6th grade buddy yesterday and was invited over for dinner and a swim today. You should have seen the palace I pulled up in front of this afternoon. (In my 12 year old Suburban, thank you very much.) But I only felt sorry for BrownBear because she was about sixteen inches taller than every girl there. Including the kid's mother. I wish I was as tall as that girl is going to be.

Tomorrow, I get to spend the governor's money. It is always nice to get free money, but I always wonder how he is going to be expected to be repaid.

And Ann Taylor Loft has a tasty little sale going on right now.

Too bad they'd take away my license if I used the governor's money there.

Art Auction

After having recovered from that field trip, I sauntered into Ann Taylor Loft for something to wear to tonight.

First, Ann Taylor Loft is my new crack. And I spent literally over an hour in there, trying on and trying on and trying on. I needed to find something cute to wear to tonight's soiree, the Art Auction. Let me just say, that if you see me tonight, be impressed. I bought a pair of 2 1/2 inch wedgie heeled shoes that say you don't look like my kid's 5th grade teacher. I also got something to wear with them. OMG - I don't look like myself, which was the plan.

Second, tonight's Art Auction is the huge PTA fund raiser. I have been going to this thing since before I was a teacher at this school - since PrepGirl was a kindergartener. This is where parents and teachers and margaritas and principals mingle freely. Classes do large art projects and many, many people and companies donate services and lots of nice things that we silently bid on. Teachers also donate something to do with a child and the parents get to bid on that - things like going to lunch and or shopping or getting ice cream and stuff like that.

Mixing tequila with teachers and parents is bold. It sealed the deal for me when I was interviewing for my job four years ago, but it can also be your undoing, too. I've seen drunk teachers say too much to parents or other teachers' dates, and I've heard the great story about the drunk fourth grade teacher who took a tablecloth and wore it like a toga. He came out that year, at that party. I don't think he meant to.

Finally, this year, my class has made an amazing art project. The art teacher saw LawyerBoy at a yard sale last year (LAST YEAR IN MAY) and made him buy a hall tree after she strong armed the owners into selling it for $5. "Tell Teachergirl it is for her class' art auction project." So, he bought it, carted it home and stuck it in the garage. Every few weeks, he would ask if he could take it up to school for me and ArtTeacher.

Finally, after big state testing, we used some Sculpey clay and they made bugs and flowers and all kinds of gardeny critters. I baked them and attached them to this white hall tree thing and ArtTeacher potted some lovely plants and they are all over this thing.

Y'all - it looks so good. Finally, my dry spell is broken. Usually, one of the second grade teachers has to buy my project because they are a little dismal. I usually buy hers, too, but this year, we both have something great!!!!!

So, I'm off. In my sassy shoes. To behave in front of parents and my boss. With tequila. Good times.