Winken, Blinken or Nod(ding off)?

I took a long lunch today; one that's going to last until the first day of school. And when I got home, I took a long nap. I am exhausted - still - and I have been asleep on every surface in my house. LawyerBoy's chair, couch, bed. I'm surprised I haven't fallen face first in the washer, sink or on top of the kitchen table.

Still got dinner and choir to get through, but who knows if I will be awake long enough to make it or get there.

Why does the end of school knock my socks off like it does?

In other school randomness, creepy principal dad was making our After School Program workers make a list of the times when he and his ex-wife picked their daughters up after school. From Day 1. It appears he is about to make a move for custody; I'd be happy to testify that he is an A number one ASSHAT. (Thanks, Jen Lancaster, for my new vocabulary word!!) You should have seen him in action on our field trip. Asshat.

I also got a phone call today from the middle school math supervisor's secretary - she wanted to know how comfortable I'd be teaching ALGEBRA to 8th graders who had failed the Super Big State Test. (All together, now: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!) As much as I'd like the extra money, I don't want to fail these kids who so desperately need to pass. And besides, it would apparently mess up my badly needed naps.

No Child Left Behind or What?

My week has been absorbed with test results flowing back from the Big State Test. Apparently, our state department of education is being led by an idiot and her crew. Approximately 70% of our state's 6th and 7th graders failed the Social Studies test and 60% of the 8th graders failed the Math test. Our illustrious leader has decided to throw out the Social Studies results but she is letting the math results stand. It is impossible to go on to the next grade in 5th or 8th grade without passing the Reading and/or Math tests, unless, of course, you go to summer school, retake the test and pass. (If you don't pass, your parents may request a conference with your former principal and teacher and you may be promoted administratively. That information may not be widely known, however.)

All hell's done broken loose, here. It was revealed that people in the State Department of Education knew that students were going to fail the Social Studies test in record numbers and did nothing to prevent it. They told no one. They also knew that the math scores were going to take a rather large dive and also did nothing. Their rationale was that the curriculum and standards had changed, so, of course, some kids were going to fail. What they didn't take into account was the fact that lots of kids who failed the Big State Test were Honors students who had made As and Bs all year long.

As I said, All hell's done broken loose. We're talking summer school, a retest and possible retention for kids who were honors students. I am surprised that our state superintendent hasn't requested a body guard. Parents are calling for her resignation and her recall. Wheeeee!



I have not heard the state failure percentage on 5th grade in math: I know that our school failure rate was right at about 20%. Some of the kids who failed were expected: if you don't know your math facts what do you want me to do? I can't possibly teach you pre-algebra if you can't add, multiply or work with decimals. And that is the whole problem. When the state changed the standards, our glorious leaders didn't take into account those children who haven't, can't, didn't move ahead quickly enough for whatever reason. Our state requires second graders to master multiplication facts.

I'll give you a minute to let that sink in.

Second graders to master multiplication facts. Second graders can barely add with regrouping and yet we expect them to multiply. Hello?

I am all for keeping up with China and Japan and India, but at the same time, I am all for a curriculum that is age appropriate and is it really appropriate for a second grader to be held responsible for multiplication facts? I just don't think so.

But, hey. No one in the Department of Education asked me, or any other teacher, about changing the standards or writing the tests. Trust me. The Social Studies questions would have made sense and the Math questions would have matched what the teachers taught. I guarantee.

And guess who's looking for a slew of summer school math teachers?

The Next Big Adventure

Thursday, I leave for a week at James Madison University to study the Constitution.

I am officially the empress of the geeks.

I applied for, and won, a scholarship to spend an entire week studying the Constititution and learning how to teach it to elementary students.

I can't wait.

You see, I am a history major.

I am a Virginian.

I am going to be all alone.


This is going to be just like college. :)

Now the downside: I am Sissy McNutcase when it comes to flying. I don't know if it's because I am claustrophobic (yes), or I am a control freak (absolutely) or every time I go to get on a plane, some other nut job tries to blow up an airport or whatever. So, I have to take off my shoes, unpack my laptop, and be prepared to prove that my Bobbie Brown foundation isn't going to explode upon take off.

I wasn't always like this. I used to get on a plane and sleep before takeoff. I could hop a Delta jet to New York for the weekend like other people hop onto their bicycles.

Then, once, I hopped a jet with Lawyerboy and we hit the motherlode of turbulence. "All is well," Lawyerboy, who also holds his pilot's license, "if something bad were to happen, the pilot would hit the seatbelt light." And so help me, that is exactly what happened.

And something in me snapped.

It also didn't help that we were coming in over Key Bridge, which had just been the scene of the crash of that Air Florida jet. During college, I usually worked in Washington, crossing one of those bridges daily. With those big jets going over- you haven't taken off in a jet until yours goes out on the runway at Reagan National and then basically backs up to be sure it has enough room for takeoff. Seriously. It reminds me of a slingshot. Or taking off on an aircraft carrier.

So, I have become a bad flyer. It has something to do with not being in control and also being terrified of dying in a fiery plane crash. That's all. I also believe that flying is akin to magic. I don't understand how it works - I mean, after all, the wings have to be able to move up and down. THAT freaks me out. Don't ask me why. Maybe it looks like they are trying to fall off.

I am always afraid that I am going to freak out like William Shatner did in that episode of The Twilight Zone.

So, there you have it.

No More Teachers, No More Books, Part Two

Praise the Lord in Heaven. Summer school ends tomorrow. I tested six kids today in reading. By reading the reading test outloud to them. All of it. The passages. The questions. The answer choices. I think I began to hyperventilate at some point. I have a migraine THIS BIG right now. It won't go away. I am going to bed and dream happy dreams.


What am I supposed to do tomorrow?

I have cleaned up my room and turned in all my stuff. The math kids test tomorrow. I am a reading teacher. I believe I will bring a book. It's all good.

Tales from Summer School

Five more days until the big test... and my oldest student has been transferred. He tried to sleep through class yesterday. I think that's what did him in yesterday.

I thought that my classroom was the crazy one; however, I have been listening to my fellow summer school teachers and I realize that I am one of the lucky ones. I am down to three students. There are others who have as many as 14 students. Many of those kids are not on any of their meds for whatever ails them. Phew.

My students (the rest of them) are as different as they are every year. My girl failed the test because she said she fell asleep and when she woke up, she realized she had run out of time and just started marking answers. I don't doubt that. She is smart and she could be so much more than she thinks she is. Where was her testing teacher?

One of the boys has told me that just last year, he swam across the Rio Grande to get here. I didn't know whether to be proud of him for realizing that this is America, land of the free, home of the brave, or outraged because here I am, trying to educate an undocumented, illegal alien who has failed the all-important test and his failure reflects poorly on my adequate yearly progress. Whatever. He is trying. Sort of. I don't know if he even understands the importance of all this yet. He barely understands me. Which brings me to my next question: why are we TESTING someone in English when he doesn't even understand the language? Some of the data that I have read states that English language learners don't have the ability to truly comprehend English for at least seven years after they have come to this country. Why is this county and this country all hot and bothered to test these kids one year after they have even arrived? He can't pronounce the words yet. He doesn't even know what they mean.

So, here we are, trying to cram down, in fifteen days, what some of these kids haven't managed to learn in two tries at fifth grade. After all, some of the teachers have asked if we aren't going to get these kids student parking. When you get to fail as many times as these kids do, you're going to need a parking place and a prom. We are doing them a huge disservice. I just don't know how to undo it.

Summer School v. Vacation Bible School

Summer school - next year, when the applications get passed out, someone stop me. The floating ESOL teacher is helping me do guided reading and I made sure she had my older student in her group. She is precious, and she is as exasperated with him as I am. He danced for her today. Oh yeah, and used the word "blowjob" for his new little friends. Apparently, that was the word of the day. Yea, summer school!!! Ten days until the test. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!! The question of the week is, however, is it better than having to do Vacation Bible School? I have done VBS my whole life and to be honest, I am glad to have a reason not to be there. How bad is that? I hate being guilted into doing Bible School, but honestly, after you've taught all year long, don't you think you could find something else for me to do besides teach? Anything else. Maybe next year, I could be the song leader.

A word of explanation.

Every year, Bible School begins with all the children gathering together for a musical beginning where a group of the youth and an "adult" lead them in the songs for the week. You know, the themed songs and the old songs that all the kids love to sing. This goes on for about 20 minutes before all the children go to their various activities. For the past several years, one girl has lead the music - she is the daughter of a member, flunked out of Vanderbilt, kicked a drug habit, put on about 75 pounds, smokes like a chimney and dresses like a hooker. Just the role model you are looking for for your teenaged daughter. Last year, the children's minister had to tell her to put on a shirt over the questionable top she was wearing in front of all the three year olds and their teachers and parents. You know the top: spaghetti straps, pajama material, braless. Same top I've seen her wear to church. In the sanctuary.

What the hell?

So, maybe next year, I can stand up in front of the children with my youth posse, and lead them in the songs of Bible School. Twenty minutes and I'm outta there. No one would question my outfits, that's for sure. And that gig would have to be better than the one I've got right now.

Summer School Starts When?

Summer school starts tomorrow. I am in a state. I'm not this undone before real school, so I don't know why I am so wigged out about tomorrow. It seemed like such a good idea - cash and all - I won't be missing much because PrepGirl's got a huge babysitting gig and BrownBear has already gone to camp. I think it must be the newness of the situation: new school, new kids, and I don't know any of the other teachers. I hate that, being the new kid on the block. Plus, I'll be teaching inside the building and I usually teach in the trailer. I'm just nervous. I'll be better after tomorrow.


Pat Conroy has written a cookbook. I know. I just spent a hour on the floor of my local Barnes and Noble reading it. He can weave together a story about the South like no other. He makes me proud to be a Southerner. Takes the bizarre and makes it into a good read. Some of his recipes look pretty good, but the stories that go with them are what kept me reading.

And these obese people on TV are freaking me out. I need to go to bed. Now. Before I snack.

Summer School?

What the hell was I thinking when I signed on for this? Seven hours down, 100 hours to go...half days, half days, but still. I must have been on some serious crack to have decided that this was a good way to spend June. And doesn't it have to be summer for summer school to exist?

Where are they getting these Spelling Bee words? I mean, I think they are using a word right now that I once heard on an episode of Star Trek (original - The Trouble With Tribbles episode)-Now you know I'm a nerd: Star Trek and the Spelling Bee.

Anyhoo..I am exhausted from planning summer school. I get to play tomorrow. And play I shall.